I have been tangling with judgment lately. I have been trying to untangle. These roots run deep.
I am self-righteous. I judge. I still project my pain.
Projecting is so easy and it feels so good.
I don’t want to feel my insecurities around mothering so I will look at what you are doing and find flaws.
I don’t want to address my own unhealthy habits so I will fixate on yours and feel superior.
I don’t want to admit my fears so I will criticize yours.
I like it when it is all about you and never about me. I like getting to be the right one while you are over there being wrong. I like being superior. I like being big.
I am not big here. This is not my BIG place. When I create any kind of disconnection from love I am certainly not BIG. This is me being small.
I am not meant to stay small.
We all struggle. Instead of seeing someone else’s hard time for what it is, pain and struggle, I am wanting to use it for my gratification.
If I am willing to see the truth about the pain and struggle of others it means I have to be willing to hold my own truths about my pain and struggle as well.
This is being BIG.
Being BIG means not looking away from pain. It means loving someone in their struggle and pain. It means loving myself in my pain and struggle.
Projection feels so good, it is so easy. Deep love takes work, it is hard.
I can do hard things. I am not small. I am BIG.
I choose love and all the hard AND goodness that comes with it. I am ready to set down my judgement and self-righteousness to pick up LOVE. I will not look away from pain.
I choose love every time.