These are wild times we are living in friends. I am here to do some middle of the night processing and gratitude counting.
My nervous system became a bit overwhelmed by the triggers today and I am needing just a little extra time to release everything.
I feel my husband and I are responding well to the virus situation. Rather than hoarding we are rationing the supplies we have. We are following social distancing recommendations which has led to little bubby and I creating new fun routines at home during the day. We are also limiting our exposure to the noise of it all; we do not watch the news and we are avoiding discussing it with anyone. My husband checks a few reputable sources each day in case their is new pertinent information, but usually there is not, not for our family at least.
I have felt very balanced about how we are responding AND I am not immune to the fear.
I am having a hard time staying out of scarcity. I will go on amazon to buy an essential and it will be sold out across the board. Scarcity rises immediately and my impulse is to then buy a lot of other things that we are currently stocked up on just in case those things sell out too. Each time this happens I close my laptop and walk away before following through on the impulse.
My husband and I have been having grounding conversations about conservation when scarcity rises; if we run out of hand soap, we can use the bar soap. If we run out of dish washer tablets, we can hand wash. If we run out of daytime diapers, we can use the nighttime diapers.
Ultimately, we are going to be okay. We are not going to die of filth or hunger. Whatever we have is enough and we will be fine.
So I am not acting on my feelings of scarcity but they still rise when something I tell myself we need is sold out. I sit in the feelings, reality check, ground, let them move through me, and move on.
Another place I am struggling is with unexpected triggers.
Even with the measures we are taking to insulate our family from the energy of fear and panic, I still have low levels of anxiety because of the lack of control and unknowns that come with the situation. This means that my nervous system is activated at all times right now, so when an unexpected trigger gets thrown in my ability to cope is slightly altered. When multiple unexpected triggers arise, coping gets harder.
Here is how I am taking care of myself:
Today when I felt myself hitting the wall of overwhelm I turned off the cartoon little bubby was watching, I put on instrumental music, lit candles, put sage and lavender in the diffuser, made a pot of vegetable soup from left over veg, pulled myself a few cards from my oracle decks, and called a friend to see if she was available for hugs. Then I played with little bubby until nap time at which point my friend arrived with hugs, tea, and sliced apples. We shared vegetable soup, apples, tea and talked around the kitchen table. She stayed through backyard time and after she left little bubby and I had our popcorn and sesame street.
The lack of control is what I struggle with the most. It is hard to feel safe. I find hugs help.
We are doing our best to stay focused on the NOW as we navigate this ever changing new reality. We do this by reality checking with each other when triggered and counting our gratitude. The gratitude practice is huge for staying present and in a positive state of mind.
So here is my gratitude:
I am grateful for a partner who is calm and thoughtful.
I am grateful for hugs and cuddles from my husband and soul friend.
I am grateful for hugs and snuggles with little bubby, especially when I am rocking him to sleep and reaches up and wraps his arms around my neck while I rock him.
I am grateful for doggie cuddles.
I am grateful my family is healthy.
I am grateful for our health insurance.
I am grateful for our home and our community.
I am grateful for my connection with the people I love.
I am grateful for how I respond to my triggers and love myself.
I am grateful for writing and art as a tried and true coping skill.
I am grateful for fresh produce.
I am grateful for clean drinking water.
I am grateful for hot showers.
I am grateful for clean sheets and comfy bedding.
I am grateful for Disney plus and sesame street (not at all kidding)
I am grateful it is spring where I live.
I am grateful for bird song.
I grateful for my belief in my own resiliency.
I am grateful for my therapist and my soul friends who help me hold the work.
I am grateful for Love.
I am grateful for the knowledge that even when things feel most out of control, I always have the power to choose how I respond.
I am grateful for air conditioning.
I am grateful for the sanitation workers who pick up our garbage and recycles.
I am grateful for this time in my life where I get to be here with my son.
I am grateful for my art and that I find my way home to myself in this sacred space.
I am grateful for everyone who loves and supports my family.
I am grateful for kindness.
I am grateful for the quiet calm of our home.
I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful to know I am on my path.
I am grateful to have things to look forward to.
I am grateful for my spirituality.
I am grateful for the knowledge that no matter what I face, I never face it alone.
I am grateful for silliness and play and laughter.
I am grateful for the partnership I have with my husband and the balance we bring to one another.
I am grateful for allergy medicine.
I am grateful for my husband’s job.
I am grateful for books.
I am grateful for nature.
I am grateful for peaceful sleep.
I am grateful for the layers of safety I experience in my life.
I am grateful for Love.