A piece of sacredness I rescued from the boxes in the attic were the journals from my 15th and 16th year.
These journals hold my stories of the right the before and during of my biggest trauma, my first abortion.
I found them a few years ago in truth but I was still in the dark and not yet at that part of my healing. I was not ready to hold this girl and her pain. Now my truth is, I have been holding her for sometime. I was so happy to welcome her home and hold her and ALL of her truth in love.
Do you want to know something about this girl’s stories? They are all about love. This girl writes exclusively about love. It makes the pain she experienced that much more devastating because it was such a disconnection from the one thing she was living for, love.
She writes about the moon and the stars and her love of the natural world. She writes about boys and searching for something More that none of them seem to possess. She writes about a future she can see so clearly; a future that includes all the love she is longing for.
Side step for a moment and come back to right now with me; two weeks ago my husband came home from playing table tennis and we stayed up for hours in bed talking about life and what we are building together. It felt like that deep connection that comes from late night talks at slumber parties where you allowed a small piece of your soul to be revealed in a way you had never previously allowed. Only here we were pulling everything open and revealing it all and making real plans for a BIG life together. It was all connection and Love.
Back to my 15 year old self and her writing;
One entry in her book of love writing talked about this Love she knows she is meant to experience. A love that is made of picnics and cool breezes and staying up all night talking and feeling understood.
I read that entry the day after our up all night talking.
I already knew my husband and I chose each other for a reason. This girl and her writing showed me something; he is not just the man of MY dreams, he is the man of my 15 year old self’s dreams, he is the man of my 5 year old self’s dreams.. This Love that he allows me to experience outside of myself in relationship with another human is exactly what the longing was for.
I have been calling him in my entire life. It has always been me and him. He is the soul who agreed to walk me home, and he has done just that, and we will continue to walk each other home every single day for the rest of this life until we are both Home.
This is my truth about healing, Love, and wholeness. It is so beautiful. It is so sacred.