In the early months of little bubby’s life I was feeling deep longing for connection with other mother’s. I was in a new relationship not only with him but with myself in the role of mother. The whole experience had upended my life in many ways and I was feeling very alone.
I did not find the friend I was looking for. I know now there are reasons for that.
- I was not really wanting a friend, I was wanting to be saved. Only I can do that.
- I wanted to experience belonging. That is always an inside job first.
Support is welcome and necessary in a big life transition like this but I was not seeking support.
I was scared and I wanted someone to hold me and rescue me from it. I was playing small because I was not willing to look in the mirror and claim the power of my truth – I am the belonging I am seeking, I am the HERo of this story.
Don’t worry friends, I got there. I figured this things out and picked myself up in a BIG way.
Now I marvel at the growth not only I have experienced, but my whole family. We are in a season of growth over here and I am living for it!
Once I stopped playing small, the companionship came. I have three mommy friends who I feel deep connection with, the kind of connection that can only come through feeling truly seen.
The acceptance goes beyond knowing I am enough in these relationships, it is knowing that three is enough. I do not have to have a large social circle, I do not need to have a play date scheduled for every day of the week. My needs are met through having three women, who I can show up with and who will show up with me in return.
I was with one of my friends this week and she reflected something to me that has been echoing around inside of me all week. She is a social worker as well and she asked me, what will returning to work look like for you?
We discussed this for a while, my truth is; I do not know yet AND I do know I will be playing by my own rules.
What she reflected to me in the course of the conversation is an idea of my work taking place somewhere in spirituality.
I feel like when the words fell from her mouth a gong was struck inside of me and I have been feeling the vibrations ever since.
Of course I have no idea what spiritual work would look like, just like I have no idea where my writing or art will take me. All I know is that this is who I am, this is the Light I bring, and as Glennon Doyle says, I will just do the next right thing until I get where ever it is I am going.