I spent some time sitting in my power after my last post wherein I reclaimed my truth about how I define successful communication in relation to boundary setting.
I reveled in the energy of my power, noticed how INFINITE I feel when I love myself well. I even shared some of that energy with my soul family because you never know who might need a reminder of how BIG they are.
After this glorious love bath (wink to my soul friend), I was hit with a bit of reality I still needed to process.
It is awesome, truly, that I have reclaimed my power in this area AND there is still a bit of unlearning that needs to take place here. I feel parts of me are being left out of this joy fest because they are confused and scared. They are super small parts, they only know how to communicate one way and none of this makes sense to them.
Let’s start by outlining the hard thing that I have decided to do.
I have two friends from long ago that have recently resurfaced for different reasons and what I realized right away in my interactions with both of them is that our lives have taken different paths.
This is totally okay, their path is theirs and mine is mine AND I am feeling the need to put up some fences with one person and close the door with the other.
One relationship will continue, I know it will, this person does not know this version of me though and I need to introduce myself. The other relationship will not continue so I need to find my words to let that person know.
This is all new and my old ways of communicating will not work here. I have to figure out what boundary setting through compassionate truth speaking looks like with both of these people.
I think I need to take a look at what I was taught about communication so I am able to unlearn any part of it that is no longer my truth.
In relation to what I am up against in these two relationships, what do my old ways of communicating tell me?:
Spare the other person’s feelings – translated into my BIG language- You are responsible for the feelings of the other person. This is not my truth.
What they are doing is not a big deal – translated into my BIG language- Your feelings do not matter. Do not trust your feelings. They are more important than you are. You are small. This is not my truth.
Don’t be mean/be nice -translated into my BIG language- Truth speaking is bad/wrong/mean. Stay silent. Your feelings are bad/wrong. This is not my truth.
Keep quiet/Stay silent – translated into my BIG language- truth speaking is not safe. Trusting yourself is not safe. You cannot trust yourself/how you feel. Nothing is safe. This is NOT my truth.
These messages were made more confusing by the conflicting message received about being honest. I was punished if I lied yet energetically or directly told that it was not nice to tell the truth because it could hurt someone’s feelings.
I understand that there is context to a lot of this that is being left out.
If as a child I thought eggs were yucky, that is okay, that is my truth, AND it does not mean I have to tell Sally from school that I think her egg salad sandwich is yucky.
All of this is confusing as a child though, especially when punishment comes into play.
It makes sense why some of my little parts struggle with truth speaking now.
So I guess it is my job as the adult and mother of my parts to reteach them what it means to communicate honestly and kindly.
Now that I know what my truth IS NOT it is time for me to determine what my truth IS. I cannot teach what I do not know.
I think I need to sit with this for a while and check in with all of myself. I want to be sure that my truth about all of this is coming from a place of connected wholeness and that takes time.
I am grateful for my unraveling. I am grateful for self-discovery. I am grateful for the knowledge that I can do hard things because I am not small and I am the hero. I am grateful for connection.