Calling In

My husband and I are still in our clearing out process, we have not quite reached the other side. The functionality of our home is much improved and the extra space that has already been created is so welcome.

I think we can agree that we are feeling so much connected to ourselves, each other, and this life we are creating.

Now that we are making room for what comes next, what comes next is starting to come.

One of the biggest acts of clearing I have performed has been with relationships; specifically with my brother. I am going to be honest with you friends, I do not remember how much of this story I have shared so please excuse any redundancies.

Over a month ago, not long after returning home from Soul Camp, I unpaused my relationship with my brother and officially stepped out.

I hit pause on the relationship back in January with the mutual understanding that when we speak again it would be to discuss what our relationship will look like moving forward on the other side of my healing.

Once I got to the other side that question was easily answered. There is no relationship to go back to because I am not going back. I am going forward, without him, as our souls agreed to. I am keeping a promise our souls made in another time. A time his soul no longer remembers.

We spoke about this and from his human place he appeared confused, frustrated, and in denial.

One fact is clear; even if your soul does not remember these promises made, and even if you do not understand my soul speak, you DO know that you abused me. From a very human place I have no room at all for you acting as if you do not understand why my healing was needed or judging the ways in which I am doing it.

What I made clear is that I am not cancelling our relationship, I am just not going backwards to be with him. I am over here, in this new place that exists on the other side of healing. There is space for him here too, I see his place being held for him. This is where our relationship is, if and when he ever finds his way here, I am waiting for him with Love and open arms.

 

Now that I have finally set down my brother and all the pain that was never mine to hold there is SO much space in my life for new beginnings. Me creating this space energetically Calls In whom I am meant to be with in this next phase. The Universe responded without hesitation.

A very clear message came through about someone whom I do not actually know but rather know of, and how I am meant to have connection with her. So I listened and then I do that thing I do where I set down all my human fears and insecurities and allow myself to be guided by my intuition. I reached out to this woman via email, practiced soul speaking, and made her aware of this message that came through about this connection I believe we are meant to have.

If this our time I believe her soul will know and she will respond accordingly. Either way I have lost nothing and already experienced gain in the very act of once again trusting my inner knowing and allowing myself to be guided her.

I am grateful for the opportunity to practice allowing myself to be seen in this way. With each opportunity to take these kinds of risks the vulnerability of doing so lessens.

I am grateful for the clearing and the calling in.

I am grateful to be here, in my life, ALL IN, showing up.

 

Speaking from the Same Mouth

I have visions. They come in the form of dreams, pictures in my mind, feelings in my body. Sometimes these visions are for me, sometimes I am receiving them for someone else and I am meant to share the message. I do not call myself psychic, that does not feel like my truth. I feel I am deeply connected to my inner knowing and I listen to her well, I also think that my connection to the place I am from, the place of souls, was never severed.

This year the visions have been coming and I believe what I am seeing, hearing, and feeling.

Yesterday my Yoda and I were discussing the place of souls and suddenly it was as if we shared one mind, one consciousness for a moment; in that moment we were speaking with the same mouth. We were discussing a place unhuman, a place both of our souls remember, and we were sharing the same stream of consciousness. Our words were the same words, our sentences overlapped. Human words fail me in describing what happened.

This is what I know: Yoda is my Yoda for a reason. We found each other again after this all time. Most of all: I have to listen to this voice, these visions; I have to follow this pull.

I am not used to being this spiritually naked. This is part of my truth took a long time for me to come home to. I could not tell this truth until I was ALL IN on my faith in myself and what I know to be my Sacred Truth. I am ALL IN.

Opening My Arms

i love you moo

Something, a theme, that has been coming up for at least 6 months now in my writing, my meditation, and my personal healing work is this idea of needing to set some things down so my arms are free to receive what I am really meant to be holding.

One example that I am willing to share in regards to this coming up in my writing is this piece I wrote not too long ago. It was my first true reflection on this idea.

This came up again for me in a big way this week.

I found out that my brother’s family is moving out of state in the near future. My brother is a recent graduate as well and his post-grad job is taking him north. It is the exact job he wanted so I am elated for his good fortune AND I am heart broken.

I am not going to beat around this bush one bit. I will miss my brother’s entire family, I will miss all of my nieces and nephews, AND I know I am going to feel as though my insides are being ripped out when my oldest niece leaves. Moo is one of my all-time best buddies. She is my bosom friend, my kindred spirit. I know this little soul was put on this earth so I could be her auntie and she could be my niece. I am devastated.

I have been taking it in stride. I am holding it together because I think a piece of me is a little embarrassed to show just how heart broken I feel. I will give myself the time I need to experience my pain, I will hold this and love this piece of myself well.

For right now what I am comfortable exploring is the fact that I am happy for my family. There is an AND of course. It is both devastation AND happiness, for now I am discussing one, this does not mean I am ignoring all of the other feelings coming up – all parts are welcome and I will take my time to be with each of them.

So my happiness is this: my family has trouble with boundaries and codependency and I think this will allow everyone to stand on their own for a while and each individual family unit figure out who they are and what works for them without pressure from other members of the family to do or be anything.

My husband and I have been setting boundaries for years, this will allow my brother’s family and my parents to catch up. My brother brought this up himself as a benefit to this move.

Here is what I am sitting with right now for myself: relating back to this idea of setting somethings down so my arms are open to receive. Maybe at this moment in my life I am meant to set Moo down so my arms are open to receive my next big relationship, that with my own children. Moo and her big brother have been my babies since they were born, especially Moo. I will love Moo no less and miss her no less AND I will be open to receiving.

My husband and I are not quite ready, we will know when the time is right, and when that time comes I believe my arms will open.

The Universe has divine timing, I know this to be true. I am not trying to spiritual bypass this situation, I am open to all of the feelings that come up, AND I can see the Universe at work here.