Creating My Web

All of the dysfunction with my family of origin, my experiences so far as momma, and the dreams I keep having, have led to a pretty incredible vision board this year.

I vision board every year. It helps me to have a visual of the path I am on, even when the path is not clear. Vision boarding is an intuitive process, I do not always understand everything that comes out when I am creating but by the year’s end all becomes clear.

Because I am done playing small this year I knew I needed to go big with my board. If I am saying that I am BIG I need to see that truth visually represented. Not to mention being BIG is hard work, there is a lot that goes into it, I needed plenty of space for all the hard that I am mastering.

When I finished the board, to the degree that it is finished, I saw so much symbolism in the shape I created.

I see a flower, its petals occupying the negative space on the board. To me this represents growth. I was once a seed planted in the dark in the mud, now with all the healing I have been experiencing I am finally breaking the surface.

I also see a spider web. This symbolism came about after discussing with my therapist that I had been seeing spiders everywhere. She said that she had been seeming them as well and when we looked up the symbolism behind the spider it had to do with creating your dreams, making them realities. She also felt that the web was significant because in my board I have a very clear center, that is me. Without that dedicated center the web does not hold up. Essentially, in order for me to do all this BIG work I have to be firmly connected to myself or it does not hold up.

In two short months I have accomplished things in my relationship with myself and in relationships with others that for years has seemed impossible.

I know now that impossible was just another lie I used to tell myself when I was small.

On my vision board there is a section left incomplete. That section comes later this year after I attend a healing retreat that I know is going to knock down and shatter my final wall. On the other side of that wall is EVERYTHING. On the other side of that wall is my life’s purpose and my work going forward. I will complete the last section later this year and it will lead to bigger intentions going forward.

I am grateful for connection.
I am grateful for a visual reminder that helps me to feel supported and purposeful in this work.
I am grateful for my path and even more grateful that I am finally walking it.

vision board 2019


My Channel is Opening

One aspect of my vision board this year has to do with my intuition and how I commune with the Universe.

My spirituality is grounded in love and is practiced through my relationship with nature and my connection to the Divine/Universe which I understand is both inside me and around me at all times. There is no name for my beliefs, I simply call it all my Sacred Truth.

I see symbolism and signs all around me. Since making the declaration that I want to be big, feel my pain, and heal in love, the Universe has been showing up for me in major ways letting me know I am supported and on my path.

Last night this came in the form of lightning bugs.

When I was a child I always dreamed of seeing and playing among these magical insects because to me that is just what they were, magic. I never did see one growing up though. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties and visiting my husband’s home town over the summer that I finally saw my first lightning bug.

We were sitting on the back porch of his parents home at sunset. I was watching the sun go down over the corn field next to the house when suddenly – blink. Then again – Blink. Blink. Blink.

Bubby look at that!!

My inner child came flying out, overcome with joy and wonder. They were as magical as I always imagined they would be. We sat for sometime watching the blinks of light in the darkness.

Last night I let Lu our dog out before bed. As I waited for her at the backdoor I stepped out into the cool night air, looking for the moon. I found her in the western sky, half full, sending me the message; you are halfway there, but there is more work to do. As I communed with the moon I caught a small blink out of the corner of my eye. I looked in the direction of the blink, and a moment later there it was again.

I was stunned – it can’t be.

Blink.. Blink. Blink.

It is!

Two little lightning bugs shining their light in the darkness and still of the night.

I have lived in Florida my entire life and this is the very first time I have ever seen lightning bugs here. This was certainly a sign; Keep shining, you are in the dark now, just keep shining and your light will grow.

I have been so supported. The Universe is sending me all kinds of sacred signs and symbols to let me know I am not alone in this. I do belong somewhere and my place in the order of things is sacred.

I am grateful for the support. I feel my channel to the Universe opening. I feel my truth of who I am and my purpose rising. In the darkness of disconnection I have been experiencing, I also feel the light of connection to bigger things – that is where I belong, among those big things because I AM BIG.

communing with the universe



Bird without a Branch

My song with my husband is You and Me by Dave Matthews Band. There are two reasons this song speaks to me personally;

  1. Over and over again he says “you and me together can do anything”
  2. He says “When the kids get old enough we’re going to teach them to fly”.

YES! Yes to both of these things.

I was thinking about our song the other day when I was with little bubby in the midst of our morning routine. I was eating my Cheerios and little bubby was next to me in his swing; the melody being played by the swing was Rock-a-Bye-Baby.

That is a terrible song.

Who wrote that song? I did not bother looking up the origins, for all I know there is more to this story that I missing. On its face though the song is pretty horrific. There is a baby in a cradle at the top of the tree, the wind blows and the baby plummets, cradle and all.

Needless to say I do not sing this particular song to little bubby.

These two songs were the inspiration behind a very special part of my vision board this year though.

I recognized after time spent meditating on the inspiration, my mother represents the tree from the nursery rhyme. I was the baby on her branch never secure in our attachment. Is the branch going to break? Am I going to fall? Will she catch me or abandon me?

What I realized is that I do not need her branch. There is a quote floating around in the ether about how a bird on a branch does not put its trust in the branch but in its own wings.

Exactly. I have wings.

When I was small I did not know this and I clung desperately to this very unstable branch praying I would not be dropped.

Now I see that even if the bottom falls out I will be okay.

It is bigger than that though. It is not enough to know I have wings, I must have the courage to lift off that branch and fly.

How can we teach little bubby to fly if he does not see us doing it? He may see my wings, and he has his too, but if I do not use them he will not know what his are for.

I plan to be a stable branch for bubby but I also want him to know he is not small, he has wings that can take him anywhere his heart is called to go. My branch being stable is only important so he knows there is always going to be a safe place to come home to.

The last part of this bird/branch symbolism that appeared to me has to do with the nest. The nest is the safe space on the branch I created. I do not sit directly on the branch, I sit in the nest that I created. My nest is my comfort, it is my safe place to come home to, not the branch – and at the end of the day, I do not need either because I can fly.